|
|
Welcome back to my ongoing blog series on Impact and Poise.
To become skillful at having a precise and powerful impact on the outside world, we start with our inner thinking.
We gather information from the outside world through our five senses:
- Hearing
- Smell
- Sight
- Touch
- Smell
We then filter that information and process the resulting ”internal representations” of the outside world, alongside internal information about our physiology and our state of mind.
It’s the inter-dependant combination of internal representations, state and physiology that will determine our behaviour – and our behaviour determines our results.
So what?
Well this means that if you have a behaviour that you don’t want, all you have to do is change either your physiology, your state or your internal representations and your behaviour will change. Do this with precision and you can choose the behaviour which is most likely to catapult yourself towards your goals.
- Not feeling confident? Change your internal representations, physiology or state.
- Not feeling creative? Change your internal representations, physiology or state.
- Not feeling alive and alert, joyous and enthusiastic about your day? Change your internal representations, physiology or state.
- Got a hangover? Drink lots of water!!
It turns out that the most flexible lever we have to align our behaviours to our goals, is changing our internal representations – our filtered perception of the outside world.
We will look at how we can do this in future blogs.
“I love to sing, and I love to drink scotch. Most people would rather hear me drink scotch.” – George Burns
www.martin-wright.com
Photo credit
I confess, I have had training in NLP. In fact, I have a Master Practitioner certificate…somewhere! However. I am not part of the NLP bandwagon. What do I mean by that? I mean that to me NLP is a means to an end rather than an end in itself. It is one of many possible approaches to being, doing and having, not the only approach. That said, it is extremely powerful both for personal mastery and for coaching others in personal mastery. And of course optimal impact and perfect poise are important elements of personal mastery.
So what is NLP? If you want the formal definition, go look it up on Wikipedia. My layman’s (that word strikes fear into the heart of many a banker!) take on it is that it is the modelling of human excellence. It is a methodology for understanding how (excellent) people do what they do and a toolkit for replicating this excellence in others. It can be applied to any field – excellent salespeople, excellent presenters/speakers, excellent (ice) hockey players, excellent alternative healers, excellent baby sitters, people who have conquered tinnitus, understanding and treating autism, excellent wedding planners, self-improvement gurus, dating superstars, successful entrepreneurs, famous green people(!), master persuaders, excellent internet marketeers etc etc. Most famously it was used in the 1980s to model the best therapists and clinical hypnotists, and this is the (combined) field that most people think is synonymous with NLP – but it is only one application.
To model peoples’ behaviours requires tools to be able to elicit and change a persons attitude, values (e.g. freedom, health) beliefs (e.g. exercise is good for you), internal filters (e.g. thinker vs feeler, facts vs gut feel), memories, strategies (e.g. decision making, buying, eating, motivation etc), habits, states (e.g. procrastination, frustration, anticipation, motivation), memories and language. This is what makes NLP so powerful (and so dangerous if misused).
Now what about Impact and Poise? If we apply our NLP methodology to people who have grace and poise, and to people who consistently make a great impression on us and others, we then have the know-how to replicate their expertise in YOU!
I’ll be continuing to share some of these secrets in forthcoming blogs.
www.martin-wright.com
Photo 1 credit
Photo 2 credit
In my last post Poised For Action – The Sequel, I set out some steps to achieve a state of poise. Lisa McLellan commented that it sounded like a hypnotherapy relaxation script – an interesting observation I thought I’d expand on.
My layman’s definition of hypnosis is that it is a process to help you enter an altered state. Self-hypnosis is where you run the process yourself. Some classic examples of altered states are:
- When driving you suddenly realise you’ve passed 3 junctions without remembering the journey! Who was driving?!
- You’re reading a book and find you can’t remember anything in the last chapter even though you turned the pages. Where were you?!
- Athletes, just before a race – ever wondered why they look a little “spacey”? How do they get in the zone?
- Police fast pursuit drivers are taught to widen their field of vision whilst driving to a) increase their awareness of all around the vehicle (e.g. pedestrians) – rather than focussing intently on the car they’re chasing – and b) to help them remain calm, and not consumed by the thrill of the chase!
Now the first two are examples where we go spontaneously into an altered state without realising. The next two are deliberate – because an athelete/police driver knows from experience/training that it will help his performance.
So back to poise: we are deliberately putting ourselves into a state of relaxation of mind and body, a state in which negative emotions dissolve, a state which heightens awareness of all that’s happening around you. Is that an altered state? Absolutely! Have you hypnotised yourself? You bet!
Next blog I’ll follow on with: What’s NLP got to do with poise?
www.martin-wright.com
Photo credit
So how do we get into a state of poise?
Here is the process (taught to me by David Shephard, NLP Master Trainer):
[You may just want to read these instructions slowly and softly to yourself and then practice until you can glide into the state easily, or you may like to make an mp3 to play back to yourself, or you may prefer to get someone to read the instructions for you as you follow the sound of their voice...]
- First of all get comfortable..find something to look at straight across the room, slightly above eye level…a picture…a mark on the wall…anything small will do
- Then fixate your attention on this object…just look at this object…and focus on this object…
- And as you focus on this object, while still looking at this object, begin to expand your awarenesss. Let your awareness flow out into the periphery, into the space around the mark, and into your peripheral vision…and as you keep looking at the object, you may notice, even as you’re looking at the object, that you can see other things around in the room. While looking at the object, you can see the walls…and the ceiling… and the floor…and some of the other things in the room in peripheral vision, even though you are focussing on the spot…
- Continue to open up your awareness into the periphery so, even though you’re looking at the spot, you can become aware of things on either side of you, and the furniture and the walls on either side. Then pull your awareness around even further, so that you are also aware of what is happening behind you, even though you’re still looking at the object.
- Now obviously you won’t be able to see what is happening behind you, but you can become aware of what is happening behind you, or have the kind of sensations that you would have if you were able to see what was happening behind you.
- So pull your awareness all the way round, pull it all the way around behind you, so that even though you are looking at the spot, you are aware of what is behind you, and you are allowing your peripheral vision to reach into the corners of the room behind you.
- You may find this easier by imagining there’s a ball just above and behind the back of your head. And while you’re still looking at the spot, put your attention or your awareness on that imaginary ball, above and behind the top of your head, and you will find that it will open up your awareness.
- Now keeping your attention in the periphery and still keeping your awareness on what is happening around you, bring your eyes down so that your eyes are looking straight ahead…keeping your awareness in the periphery. So you can see what is straight in front of you, and yet your awareness is all the way around, your attention is now in the entire room.
- And notice…and experience, the state that you’re in…notice you feel differently now.
It may seem a bit weird at first, a little bit spacey, but with practice – once your body knows the state – you can achieve it in seconds…or less. And as you practice and get used to the feel of the state, it will feel less spacy and more of a relaxed alertness with an awareness of the whole room…poised for action.
www.martin-wright.com
Photo credit: http://www.flickr.com/photos/gergtreble/3020754762/
It’s great that I can get so many fab ideas for articles from the blogs of others….Thank you!
This week, in Keri Reagan‘s blog on juggling I was reminded of the usefulness of peripheral vision. This technique can increase your impact by helping you become calm and in a state of balanced readiness – poised to make an impact!
Through expanding your visual field from fovial (focussed) vision to peripheral vision you can enter a state variously called the learning state, trainer state, stop the world state or “in the zone”. Whilst there are some finer distinctions, they are all a form of light trance. And (as I’ve mentioned before) the brain is wired in such a way that negative emotions will disappear whilst you’re in such a trance – so you feel relaxed, calm and balanced inside. Now in peripheral vision you will also be aware of all that’s going on around you – you are in a state of relaxed alertness – poised for action…
So how do you get into this state?
I’ll lead you through the process in tomorrow’s blog…!
In the meantime, if you like juggling take a look at this – this guy is definitely using peripheral vision and is in the zone!
www.martin-wright.com
Scott Payne at Sales Junkie.net recently did a post on the value of a “Smile On The Phone”.
That reminded me of the impact of your smiling, on both you and the people around you.
This is best illustrated with one of my favourite poems:
Smile Virus - By Russel H. Conwell
Smiling is infectious, you catch it like the flu.
When someone smiled at me today, I started smiling, too.
I passed around the corner and someone saw my grin
when he smiled, I realized I’d passed it on to him!
I thought about that smile and then realized its worth,
a single smile, just like mine, could travel round the earth.
So, if you feel a smile begin, don’t leave it undetected,
let’s start an epidemic quick, and get the world infected!
www.martin-wright.com
Photo credit: http://www.flickr.com/photos/adwriter/398229620
“Nothing takes the taste out of peanut butter quite like unrequited love.” – Charlie Brown
David Power’s excellent post: Brain Scans Reveal True Love reminded me about something I’d read regarding the impact of unrequited love.
Scientists have learned that when animals “mate” (not sure whether they mean romance or sex or both) specialised chemicals are released into their brains that enable behaviour to change. The main chemical, oxytocin, melts down established neural pathways so that new shared experiences can form and dominate. These shared experiences (no doubt including the odd bunch of flowers and box of chocolates!) accelerate bonding, co-operation and building of trust.
However, this meltdown tends to bring with it a frightening loss of identity and loss of self control, and usually evokes much anxiety (especially for first-timers). If the love is unrequited, and there are no shared bonding (that’s bonding!) experiences then you have: Anxiety + Mental vulnerability + Rejection = ….
Of course, if the lurrrve is reciprocated then there’s a whole pharmacy of other chemicals the body can choose from to deliver euphoria, ec*tasy and, well, a feeling of being out of control but in a different way!
My main source is an excellent book called Mapping the Mind, by Rita Carter. Go add it to your reading list…NOW!
…No, I’m not an affiliate, I’ve just got into the habit of barking “NOW” at my (nearly) 10 year old son!
Anyway, here’s a (quirky) video about unrequited love:
www.martin-wright.com
Continuing with our Poise theme…
Dignity
“Dignity does not consist in possessing honors, but in deserving them.” – Aristotle
We have dignity when we conduct ourselves in a manner which exudes self-respect, respect for others and respect for the nature of an occasion or situation. Each of these is a topic in its own right, but here are some pointers:
- Self-respect: this is about self-esteem, about you valuing your strengths, valuing the value you add to the world. As a starter for 10, list 5 things you value in yourself and 5 things you most value in others.
- Respect for others: this is about appreciating others, but without putting them up on a pedestal. Recognise that you can appreciate someone and their perspective without necessarily agreeing with them – you can respect their opinion as an opinion.
- Respect for the nature of an occasion: notice and be sensitive to others’ emotions, and be aware of proper etiquette – don’t dance on graves at funerals or send “With Sympathy” cards to newly married couples! Use your common sense.
Authenticity
“Honesty and transparency make you vulnerable. Be honest and transparent anyway.” – Mother Theresa
Authenticity is about being yourself, which is so much easier than having to pretend you’re someone you’re not. If you act closed and cold, others will reflect it right back at you. The trick is to be yourself in the moment, without the baggage of the past or concerns about the future. If you open the door and let out the playful, energetic, spontaneous and magnificent you, people are far more likely to connect with you, be more comfortable with you, and appreciate what you have to say.
“Always be a first-rate version of yourself, instead of a second-rate version of somebody else.” – Judy Garland
www.martin-wright.com
A couple of posts ago, I defined poise as:
- composure – free from embarrassment, nervousness etc; and
- good posture; and
- graceful movement; and
- dignity and authenticity; and
- a state of balanced readiness.
So how do you turn a poor poise into good posture and graceful movement?
I said poor poise, not porpoise!
Katie at www.gethealthyhq.com offered a great explanation of poise in the context of posture and movement:
“Whereas posture is the way you stand, the way you walk, poise is your ability to remember and execute those postures. Poise is part of your character”
So what is good posture?
A good question, with a complex answer that I’ll put simply: It’s the positioning of the body in a way that minimises wear and tear ie. the body’s natural positioning before we overlay all our bad posture habits. When we’re standing or sitting or walking etc, we can usually FEEL where the stresses and strains are. The body is not made to feel that way.
So what can we do about it?
There are a number of respected approaches for improving posture and freeing movement, notably including the “Alexander Technique”, “Rolfing”, and the “Feldenkrais Method”. You will also see many programs on the internet which purport to improve your posture – in 3 days – without exercise – without getting out of bed – whilst cleaning your teeth etc etc. These are beyond the scope of this blog – although watch out for reviews on www.impactandpoise.com. I do, however, have some practical tips:
- Be more aware of how you sit, stand and move – interrupt those bad posture habits, feel what feels good, and adjust your body to feel comfortable and in balance
- Be especially aware of the position of your head as your body will generally follow your head’s lead. Dr. Donald Weed, author of “What You Think Is What You Get” suggests: ”The poise of your head in its dynamic relationship with your body in movement is the key to freedom and ease of motion”.
- Loosen-up with a massage, chiropractic session or even meditation
- Use the composure tips from my “The poise are back in town” blog
- Look after yourself. A healthy body is naturally graceful in its movement. A healthy mind is a pre-requisite for a healthy body!
“Do not lose your knowledge that man’s proper estate is an upright posture, an intransigent mind, and a step that travels unlimited roads” – Ayn Rand (Russian born American Writer and Novelist, 1905-1982).
www.martin-wright.com
Photo credit: http://www.flickr.com/photos/oneeighteen/307820058/
It’s Saturday night and it’s my 16th wedding anniversary! As I’d like to make it to 17, I just thought that tonight I’d link you through to my favourite YouTube video. Enjoy, and let me know what you think…
www.martin-wright.com
PS: I’ve been linked to all IMC Fall 2009 sites for the last 36 hours.
|
Wright Time
For the latest Blogs, Articles, Premium Content, Tips & Special Offers to be delivered direct to your Inbox: Subscribe to Wright Time
|
|
Darryl Pace (43)
Steve Chambers (42)
Jose Escalante (38)
Lisa McLellan (38)
Martin O'Connor (36)
Vicki (36)
John Ho (35)
Rob Northrup (35)
Katie (31)
Robert Martin (30)